kaam karo tou woh poora hota hai…!!!
Student – Rehne dain miss, agar aisa
hota to aaj aap meri baahon me hoti..
***********
boy:
mein tumhy bangla dilaonga
car dilaonga
gold k dhiar laga dunga...
girl:
acha ye batao shaam ko park aao gy...???
boy:
haan agar dost ny bike de di tou....
***********
aadmi jyotish se
meri shaadi q nahi ho rahi..?
jyotish:
ab qudrat ne teri qismat mein
dukh nahi likhy to mein kiya karun...
**********
1st Pathan: Mere bache honge
To 1 ko Karachi
Aur 1 ko Lahore chor aonga....
2nd Pathan: Woh Kyu...?
1st Pathan: Kal T.V. per bata rahe they
Ke bachon ke darmiyan waqfa zaruri hai....
***********
Shaadi mein khana khula...
Santa ko plate nahi mili..
Santa apni jholi mein khana dalne laga..
Logon ne poocha Ye Kya..
Santa: Daagh To Chala Jaye Ga...
Ye Waqt Phir Nahi Aaye Ga...
***********
Teacher to Pathan: 10
Fruits k Naam Batao?
Pathan:
5 Amrood
5 Aanar. :-)
**********
Santa ne apne 6 months k baby
ki birthday partyrakhi,kisine
pucha:6 month k baby ka B'Day kese.
Santa:Hum semester system ko follow karte hai
***********
santa Banta se:
America main Hollywood hai.
India mai Bollywood hai.
England mai kya hai ?
Banta:
England mai Collingwood hai.. :-)
*********
Pathan: Yar Sooraj Raat Ko
Kyu Nhi Nikalta?
2 pathan:
kia pata nikalta bi ho
andhera itna hota hai kahan dikhai day ga...
**********
Ustad: Konsa Prinda Sab Se Taiz Urta Ha?
Boy: Hathi
UstaD: Nalaiq,Tera Bap Kia Krta Hy?
Boy: BSP KA Unit incharg he
Ustad: Shabash Hathi is the right answer .
*********
Santa- bhai jaldi jao tumhare
ghar mein pani ghus gaya hai.
Banta- Kyun jhuth bolta hai,
ghar mein pani kaise ghus
sakta hai,ghar ki chabi jo
mere pass hai.....
**********
1st Pathan: Yara ye jahaz itna bara hoti hai
isay paint kese krte hain?
2nd Pathan: Woi Pagala jab ye door ja k
chota sa ho jati hai phir paint krte hain....
*********
Aadmi kumbh ke mele mai- he prabhu,
teri kripa se kumbh k mele mai bhai-bhai
ko bichadte dekha hai, kabhi pati-patni par
b kripa barsao!
*********
Jyotish:
Tumhri life men 14 larkyan ayen gi
Boy"
Oh yess... What a life!"
Jyotish:
Ziyada khush mat ho.
1 Biwi or 13 betyan hongi...
**********
Premika:Aisa Khat koi Likh Sajna,
Meri Umar Beet Jaye Pdhne Me...
Premi:
(!=0!> xE'?1!!:e'$ a?>#"e!%;>;>,e=$?#.P(p+>!$
Le Padh le....
**********
santa fouj me bharti hua....
2 Din bad jung shru ho gaiii.....
santa ki topi per goli lagi....
santa ne hathyaar phenk diye
aur chup kar bola .. " Aqalmand ke
liye ishara kafi hota hai...
***********
SHEIKH: Meri biwi buht fuzool kharch hai,
Jubse shadi hui ha roz 100, 200 mangti he.
DOST: Wo in paison ka kia karti hai?
SHEIKH: Kya pata Mane kbhi dye he nhi.
**********
Pathan :hum yahan nai rahay ga hmra paisa wapis karo,
Itna chota kamra or 1 stool,
tum humein janwar smjhta hai.
Waiter:sir kamray may tu chalian ye Lift hai....
*********
Biwi ney apney shohar ko khoob maara .
Shohar rota aur aahain bharta hua keh raha tha:
jo bhi karwa raha hai
America karwa raha hai....
**********
Aik doctor apne dost se:
yar mai soch raha hon k is gaon main apna clinic khol lon,
dost :tumhara khyal to naik hy
magar yahan ka qabrstan bhot chota ha...
**********
Admi:Santa aap ka aik dant blue Q hai?
Santa:Yaar main ne ink lagayi hoyi hai,
Admi:Hain! Wo Q ji
Santa: oye khoty "bluetooth" da zamana hai....
**********
TEACHER Wo konsa DEPARTMENT
hy jis me ORAT kaam nhi kr sakti
STUDENT FIRE BRIGADE
Teacher kyon
Student AURTON ka kaam
AAG lgana hay bhujana nahi..
************
Pathan Halwai Sy: Tum Kitny Saal Sy
Jalebi Bana Rahy Ho?
Halwai Bary Fakhar Sy 30 Sal Sy
Pathan: Bari Sharm Ki Bat Hy Tum Se
Aaj Tak Jlebi Seedhi Nahi Bani...
*********
Maa Bete Se:Uth Jaa Kmbakhat
Dekh So0raj Kb Ka Nikal aya Hy..
Beta:To Kya Hua Amma
Wo Sota B To Mjh Se Pehle Hy...
**********
Santa-yar banta apne India me sabhi
kutte kamjor q hote hai?Banta:kyuki
sab kutto ka khun 2 DHARAMENDER
Pee jata hai.
***********
1 pathan ki maut bijli girne se hue
pr uski laash muskurate hoe mili !
Farishte ne poocha aisa kyn?
Pathan bola :
muje laga koe photo kheench raha hai..
**********
Santa: yaar I Notice a very Impotant
thingBanta: Wht is dis?Santa: Jab
railway Fatak Band hota hai Tab
TabTRain Jarur aati hai....
**********
American Citizen:
Hum Log Ghar ki Rakhwali k Liye kUTTA Rakhte Hain.
Pakistani Citizen:
Ye Konsi Bari Baat Hai..
"Humne To Pure Mulk k Liye Rakha Hua Hai.."
**********
Ek Kali African ladki ko God ne Pankh de
diye to wo kushi se boli-Wow! God kya
aab main Pari ban gayi hun? God-Nahi
re Pagali tu aab Chamgadar ban gayi ho.
**********
santa CIGRATE P raha tha
Lady-tmhare Maa-Baap ko
pata he tm cigrate pite ho?
snta-Kya Apke H usband ko
PATA H Aap AJNABI Se
baat krti ho...
*********
Passenger :
Ager Sub Trains Late Hon To
Time Table Ka Kya Faida ?
Pathan :
Ager Sb Trains Waqt Per Hon To
Waiting Room Ka Kya Faida . .
***********
Faqeer: Pehle Aap 10 Rupe Dete They,
Phir 5, Ab 1 Rupya Kyu?
Aadmi Pehle Mein Kunwara Tha,
Phir Shadi Ki, Ab Bache Hein....
Faqeer: Bohot Khoob,
Matlab Mery Paison Sy Ayashian..!!
************
Doctor ne aik pagal se poocha:
Tum chat se kyu latak rahe ho?
Pagal: Main aik bulb hoon...
Doctor: Tum jal kyu nahi rahe?
Pagal:
Bewakof...!!
Ye Pakistan Hai,
Light Gai Hui Hai....
**********
Aik dafa aik molvi movie dekh raha tha.
Doosra aadmi: Molvi sahab aap ne to kaha
tha ke ap movie nahi dekhte.
Molvi: Mein is ko Nafrat Ki Nigah
se dekh raha hon...
***********
Miss: Ager Lion ki jaga kutta jungle ka badshah hota,
To jungle ka kya haal hota ?
Student: Wohi Jo Aaj Pakistan Ka Hai .
***********
Pathan-
Aaj hume Allah yad aa gya
Major Rohail-
Wo kese?
Pathan-
Hamara dukan mai jacket wala larka aya ur bola
"Allah O Akbar"
ek rupe ka sawal hy baba...
***********
Class teacher ne students ko
"MY CLASS TEACHER"
Pe 10 line likhne ko kaha
Thori der bad 1 student ne uth kr pucha:
Sir
'Kanjar' ko english me kya kehte hy...
************
Pathan:hum 25 behan bhai hain
Girl:kya tumharay ghar family
plaining walay nahi ayay?
Pathan: aya tu tha lakin school
samajh kar wapis chala gaya...
************
BV_ne Pati k Gale Me Bahein Daal Kar Kaha=
Kaisi Lag Rahi Hu Mai?
Pati=BilkuL
waisi Jaise
Bhagwan
Shankar k Gale Me Naag Latka
Ho..
*************
1Bar Class Me 1Ladki Gana Gane Lagi
"Zara Zara Touch Me"
Tabhi 1Ladka Utha Aur Use Touch Kiya,
Fir Bola=Le Ab Himmat He to Aage Gake Dikha....
***********
Teacher: Batao Saal Me Kitne Mausam Hote Hain?
Student: Sir 4 Mausam.
Teacher: Kaun Kaun Se?
Student: Hartaal, Election, Imtehanaat, Hungame.;-)
************
Baap- Tumne Apni Mummy Se
Unchi Aawaz Me Baat Ki.?
Beta- Mujhe Pata Hai Ki
Apko Jalan Ho Rahi Hai..
Kyo Ki Aap Aisa Nahi Kar Sakte....
************
Pathan Rishte k liye Tasweer Khichwane raha tha
Peeche ghada bhi agaya Tasweer main
Pathan ne ye likh kar tasweer bheji
Hum Ulta hath ki taraf hai...
**********
Pati aur Patni jhagadte hue
Pati-Mujhe gussa mat dilao nahi to
mere ander ka janwar jaag jayega
Patni-To kya hua.?
Mai chuhe se nahi darti....
***********
teacher:bachoo my name is khan
dekh kar kya lesson mila?
bachee:my name is khan se ye samajh
me aya ke paglo se bhi ladkiya pat sakti hai.....
************
Wife: Suno ji...doctor ne mujhe ek maheenay
k araam k liye beautiful foreign location me
jaane ko kaha hai. Hum kahan jayengey???
Husband: Dusray doctor ke pass.....!!!
************
1 aurat ne Akhbar Me Prha k 1 Admi ne
Apni BV Ko 1 Cycle k Badle Sale kr Dia
BV: Tum to Aisa Nhi Karoge Na?
Husband: Main to CAR Se Kam
Baat Bhi Nhi Kron Ga !
*************
wife : ab ki bar tume phir job na
mili toh main meake chali jaaon gi
Hubsnd: thandi aah bhar ka bola
wade wade sirf wade,
bahir b wade ghar pe b sirf wade....
************
Wife:Agar mein koh gayi to tum kya karoge?
Husband: Mein akhbar mein ad don ga
JAHAN RAHO KHUSH RAHO....
************
Wife: ap apnay best freind ki
BV k janazay pay nahi gay.
Husband:kis moo say jaon.
wo mujay 3rd BV K janazay pay bula raha hai
Aur
Mein ne1 dafa b nahi bulaya....
************
Teacher To Pathan: AGARBATTI Ka
Jumla Banao.
Pathan: AGAR BATTI Chali Jaye To
Andhera Ho Jata Hai...
************
Mareez Nurse Se: Paani Pilao.
Nurse: Kya Pyaas Lagi Hai..?
Mareez Ghussay Se:
Nahi, Gala Check Karna Hai
Leak To Nahi...
************
Patni:Humare naukar ne
chandi ka chamcha churaya
Pati:Kaunsa?
Patni:Jo humne parso hotel se churaya tha.....
***********
Mama ne nayi swift Car Li,
swift Car K Peche Likhwaya
"SAAWAN KO AANE DO"
Peche se truck Ne Thok Diya,
Truck Par Likha tha
"AAYA SAAWAN JHOOM KE"
**********
Pati:Jaan roz roz mai tumhari aankhon
mai anshu nahi dekh sakta.
Patni:Thiq hai,
kal se aaphi piyaz katt k doge.....
***********
Girls are like phones. We like to be held and talked too, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
***********
News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
***********
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
***********
2 times on lips,
2 times on cheeks,
2 times on forehead,
1 times on eyes,
u must..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Apply cold cream!
HAPPY WINTER SEASON:)
***********
Gabbar : Ab tera kya hoga Kalia.
Kalia : Sardar mene aapka namak khaya he...
Gabbar : Aur jo Dal, Chawal,sabji, Daru, Chicken Tanduri aur chamian ka naach...
Uska hisab kya tera baap dega...?
***********
Boy-"Dear, look into my eyes,
what do you see?
Tell me quickly!"
Girl-"TRUE LOVE"
Boy-"oye!True love wali,
kachara gaya hai, jaldi phunk mar
***********
Principal : I tried ur number so many times,
it said switched off…!
STUDENT said :”ya. it’s my CALLER TUNE”
Principal shock…!
Student rocks….!
***********
Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .
Then, what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
STUDENT: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
***********
Jab raat ko baccha rota he to uski maa kehti he ki
so ja beta....
So ja...
So ja warna...
Warna...
2usra baccha kaise hoga?
***********
Girl: muzpe shayari karo na..
shayar: ye resham si julphe karti hai andhera..
ye resham si julphe karti hai andhera..
Ho ja takli aur kar de savera
***********
Husband- kya tumne mujhe kutta kaha
no answer
Husband asks again
no answer
He asked again
Wife- nahi kaha aur please ab bhokna band karo.
***********
Dad: What is Ur Result?
Son: I Failed.
Dad: Dont Call me Dad Onwards.
Son: Dad, Its not the Result of DNA Test.
***********
Agar tum 'BEWAKUF' ho to SMS milte hi miss call dena,
'ULLU' ho to MSG karna.
Agar 'GADHA' ho to call karna,
aur 3 o ho to kuch mat karna
***********
Banta:- Tu bata k meri tokri me kya he to sab ANDE tere.
Aur ye bata k kitne hai to 8 k 8 tere
Santa:- Hint to de !!!!!
***********
Jab aap sms nahi karte hai to itna ghussa aata hai ki dil to chahta hai chhapal utar kar jute pehenlu aur aap se milne jaau
***********
1 chote bacche ne darwaza khola or
apni didi k boyfren ko dekh k masumiyat se bola
.
"Aap roz didi se milne aate ho,
.
.
.
AAPKI APNI didi nai h?
***********
Ek SARDAR apne sir pe TOTA (parrot) bitha kar ja raha tha.
Raste me 1 admi ne rok k pucha- bhai ye kon sa janwar hai?
TOTA bola ''SARDAR hai......."
***********
Boy 2 God- Ghar se U.S.A. tak road banao.
God- muskil hai. Aur koi kam batao.
Boy- asi G'frnd do jo mere siva kisi ladke ko na chahe.
God-Road kab se bnani suru krni h.
***********
Pappu ki uske Master se hui ladai.
Master ne ki pappu ki dhunai.
Pappu ka khaula khoon.
Gaya kabristan or kabar pe master ki photo tang k likh diya
"COMINGSOON"
***********
BOYFRIEND- ab tu mujhe mere sare letter de de
ab hmare bich kuch nahi raha
+girlfirend ne use apna ek beg diya or boli
-le KUTTE KAMINEY DHOKHEBAJ .......ISME SE JO TERE H VO DHUND KE LELE
***********
Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
***********
husband and wife fighting infront of their child.
wife to husbnd: "tu saala kutta"
husband to wife: "tu saali kutti"
child: "hee hee...mai saala pilla"
***********
Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duy,
Saali is passion,
Wife is tension,
Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,
Saali is cool,
Wife is fool,
Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat futi,
Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earth quake
***********
Jo mujhe bhool jhae
Uska mobile toot jhae
Charger jal jhae
Uski sim block ho jhae
Miscall kare to block ho jhae
Card load kare to balance hi na Aaye
***********
1 Admi pehli bar sasural gaya.....
Gaon walo se pucha: Yahan koi Enjoy karne wali cheez hai kya ?
Wo bole : Nahi Babuji....
ek thi wo bhi Aap le gaye....!!
***********
Maa: Beti kaha gayi thi
Beti: RICHARGE KARWANE
Maa: BETI SHADI KARLE LIFE TIME HO JAYEGA
***********
News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
***********
Wife:"Tum Mujh Se Kitna Pyar Karte Ho?"
Husband:"Shahjahan Jitna."
Wife:"Mere Marnay Ke Baad TAJ MAHAL Banao Gay?"
Husband:"Main Nein To Plot Bhi Le Liya Hai,DELAY To Tum Kar Rahi Ho!!!"
***********
Sardar : goes to police station and complains to police... Koi mujhe phone pe dhamkatha hai.
Police : kon phone karke dhamkatha hai.(Copyright www.lovelysms.com)
Sardar :Airtel wale bolthe hai Bill nahi bhara tho "KATH DENGE"
***********
2 Ghadhe{donky}apas main bateen kar rahe thay.1st yar mera malik bohat zalim hay.bohat marta hay kaam
b zyada leta hay.2ndto tum bhag jao na is ko chood ke.1st yar bhag to jaon per ik waja se ruka hoon.mera
malik jab b apni BETI se ladayi karta hay na.to us ko ye kehta hy ke beti tum sudher jao warna main ney teri
shadi GADHE se kar deni hay..
***********
Mobile repair karne waale ko agar loose motion ho jaye to wo doctor ko kese xpalain karega?
DOCTOR sahab subah se missed calls aa rahi hai,outgoing mai takleef ho rahi hai,subah se naye naye
ringtones baj rahe hai,or pait mai balance nahi bach raha hai,jitna bhi recharge karo jaldi kharch ho jata
hai:-)
***********
1 din god apun se puchha,kidhar jana mangta? SWARG YA NARK? Apun bola NARK! Apun janta,tum saala dost log udharich milega. Aur jidhar tum log,woich apun ka swarg;-)
***********
Aamir
girl:aamir u will try to kiss me ,
mien shor macha don gi,
boy:likan yaha tu door door tak koi nahien hay.
girl:i know but formilty tu karni hi pare gi
***********
Boy asks: Tute hue dil se pyar karogi, ya dil tutne tak pyar karogi.
Girl replies: Tute hue sandal se pitoge ya sandal ke tutne tk pitoge..
***********
Ek aadmi apni biwi ka antim sanskar kar ke, Ghar ja raha tha ke achanak bijli, Chamki, Badal garje, Zor se barish shuru hoi, Aadmi bola lagta hai pahunch gai.
***********
Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar AA raha hai....
ghar ke sab khilone chhupa de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, who apne khilone pahechan lega.
***********
Wife: kaash main newspaper hoti dinbhar tumhare hathon me rehti
Hus: meri bhi yahi dua hai rab se issi bahane her din nayi nayi to milti.
***********
curcuit-bhai bapu(gandhiji) ne bola tha ki kabhi jhoot nahi bolneka,aaj se apun bhi jhoot nahi bolega
MUNNA BHAI-hey curcuit wo sunita ka baap ayela hai tereko dhund reyla hai
CURCUIT-bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai kheti karneko
MUNNA BHAI-pan abhi to tu bola ki kabhi jhoot nahi bolega
CURCUIT-apun jhoot nahi bolega par tu to bol sakta hai na
***********
jab gabbar paifa hua tab uski maa ne use 2-3 thappad lagaye
fateher-kya hua?
kambakht peda hote hi puch raha tha kitne admi the.
***********
young girl praying:pls God marry me with intelligent man
god replied: thats impossible, because intelligent men don't get married
***********
Husband aur wife hotel me gaye tabhi 1 lady ne
Hello kiya,
Wife- koun thi wo?
Hus-Tum dimag kharab mat karo, main pehle hi pareshan hu ki woh bhi Yehi puchegi.
***********
Munnabhai : Ye Circuit !! Sala apun ke desh ko kaun chala rahela hai ?
Circuit : Bhai….bole to apun ka desh to SMS chala rahela hai….
Munnabhai : Abe kya bak raha hai?
Circuit : Bhai …sahi bola apun NE…SMS bole to …Sardar Manmohan Singh !!
***********
Teacher : What is MATHS?
Student : Mental Attack To Healthy Students!!
***********
Santa ka ek Buddha padosi accident me mar gaya…
Woh uske ghar gaya aur poocha “BODY AAGAYI KYA?”
Tabhi body lekar ambulance AA gayi…
Santa Bola “Ye Lo ! Uncle ki badi lambi umar hai !!”
***********
Naukarani: malkan ap udaas kyun hai
Malkan: tumhare sahab office ki kisi larki se payyar karte hai
Naukarani: nahiiiiin, sahab mujhe dokha nahi de sakte.
***********
Munna: Bolay to darad kahan hai aapko.
Patient(F): Pooray badan mien hai
Munna: Yeh kaisay ho sakta hai ray, kuch detail batao.
Patient: Tocuhes her right knee and says here, then touches her earlobe and says here, then touches her
left cheek and says here, etc.
Munna: Aesay hi khaali peeli tension de reli hai, teri finger mien dard hai.
***********
Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi.
***********
Ek sardar se kissi ne poocha k sardar ji agar app ko garmi lagy to app
kya karo gay?
sardar bola jenab hum a.c k pass ja k beth jain gay,
admai ne bola jenab agar phir bhi appko garmi lagy to kya karo gay?
sardar bola, jenab tab hum a.c on kar lain gay.
***********
Cha ( Tea) ni PATTI ne,
( Husband) PATI ma shu samanta ?
.
.
Bey na Nasib ma
Ukalvanu, ne E pan ’Baira’ ..O na Hathe…!
***********
1 kahevat…
HASYA TENA GHAR VASYA ‘ Pan aa kahevat par ek sawal 6
GHAR VASYA PACHHI KETLA HASYA…?
***********
Su tamne kyarey shardi thai che ?
Nathi thai.
Kyarey nahi thai ?
Sorry ho.
Bhul thai gai.
Shardi to nak hoy to thai ne.
Bapu : Mobil ma MP3 Songs Nakhva na 6,
Mobil shope walo : Memory card 6?
Bapu : Na memory card nathi,
Ration card chalshe..?
***********
Vakhan krya to 6okri malkai gai,
Wah Wah,
Vakhan krya to 6okri malkai gai,
Wah Wah,
ACP bolyo,
Daya pani ni motar bandh kar taki chalkai gai.
