Banta: Recording this baby’s voice.
Santa: Why?
Banta: When he grows up.
I shall ask him what he meant by this...
************
A Girl Romantically said to a santa:
Do U want to see the place
where they did Apendix Operation to me?
santa: No, I hate Hospitals.....
************
Santa: Why did the man put his radio in his refrigerator?
Banta: I give up.
Santa: Stupid, because he wanted to hear cool music...
*************
Santa ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house…
still he was in jail…….why?
coz all the 6 were firebrigade staff !
**************
Banta Went for Divorce
Judge: You have 3 Kids
How Will you Divide Them?
Banta Thinks Hard & Says,
‘Oye.. IDEA, We’ll Come Next Year With 1 More.
************
It was Santa’s weding aniversary.
Preeto: Shall v hav Tandoori chicken to celebrate?
Santa: Y punish da poor chicken for da mistake v hav made..
*************
Teacher: What is common between
Buddha,Jesus ,Mahavir and Guru Nanak?
Santa: All of them were born on government holidays..
*************
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Santa: What”s difference between man & Superman?
Pappu: Man wears underwear under the trouser
& superman wears it over the trouser...
*************
Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan
Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM..
**************
santa opens his lunch box in the
middle of the road why?
Just to confirm whether he is
going to or coming back from office....
*************
santa bunks office comes home &
finds his wife in bed with his
boss. Rushes back to office & tells
his colleagues almost got caught bunking?
*************
Santa (reading from book of facts):
“Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?”
Banta: “Why don’t you use a mouth wash?”
************
Banta owned a factory.
He issued orders that only married
men would be employed.
Friend asks: Why this ?
Bant reply:
Because married men are more obedient...
***********
Lil Banta: I dreamed last night dat
u gave me Rs 500 for Christmas.
Banta Singh: Well, as you”ve been
a good boy lately, you may keep it....
***********
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell,
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies,
I’m coming daily since 4 days,
I press the bell but no one comes out....
************
Banta ko santa ka 1 blank msg aaya,
Fir usne vapis santa phone kiya aur bola,
Oye yaar tenu malum hai tere mobile ki ink khatam hogayi,
*************
Santa: Mere Pitaji Ye tay nahi kar paa rahe hai ki
Gaay Kharidna theek hoga Ya Motorcyle?
Banta: mere hisab se motorcyle kharidna theek hoga,
kyonki gaay par savari karte ve bade bevkoof lagenge.
Sana: Baat tau tumhari theek hai, lekin motor cycle se
doodh duhate bhi ve aur bhi bade bevkoof lagenge...
**************
Santa, Banta & Bobby were going on a
motorcycle. Policeman gives hand to stop.
Santa shouted: Oye pagal, pehle hi 3 bethe
hain tu kahan baithega?
**************
Teacher: Light Kitho Aandi Hai?
Pappu: Mere Nankeya De Gharon.
Teacher: Kinwe?
Pppu: Jado Light Jandi Hai Papa
Kehndy ne ‘Saleya ne Pher cut ti....
*************
Banta: Life ko kaun zyada achhaa bana
sakti hai, Girlfriend ya Wife?
Santa: WIFE. Bas, honi kisi aur ki chahiye!
**************
Teacher: Asman me udne wali chiz ande deti hai,
jamin pe rahne wali bache deti hai. Kaun hai jo
Asman me udti hai par bachche jamin par deti he?
Santa: Airhostess....
*************
Santa: Rab j tu mainu 100 rs deve ta 50 main
Guru Ghar devanga. Thodi dur ja k usnu 50 rs lab gaye.
Santa: Wah rabba ena v Bhrosa ni, apne pehle hi kat laye...
************
Banta k ghar ladka hua, par wo phir bhi dukhi tha?? Kyon?
Itne saalo baad, itni manato k baad ladka hua wo bhi chhota sa...!
***********
Banta mujra dekhne gaya, sari raat mujra dekha.
Bai ne kaha: Sahab humne aap ko khush kiya, ab aap hume khush karo.
Banta utha or khud nachne laga.. Gud Night.
*************
Inspector to Banta: Faansi se pehle, bata teri antim ichha kya hai?
Banta: Mere pair upar aur sir neeche kar k faansi de do..!
*************
Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta.
Santa: Phir tune kya kiya?
Banta: Maine kaha salon ek-ek karke aao.
Santa: Phir?
Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta !
*************
Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta:-Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo. Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam
ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta:-Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo....
**************
Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata.....
**************
Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market....
**************
Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hoon!
***********
2 Hijade ek shaadi ki badhai dene gaye.
Haye haye main to 1100 lungi.
Dusri Boli main to 2100 lungi.
Peeche se Santa bola Abey 2310 le lo usme FM bhi hai!!!
************
Santa aur Jeeto mein larai ho gayi, Santa ghar se chala gaya.
Santa raat ko phone pay: Khanay mein kia hai?
Jeeto: Zehar.
Husb: Main dair se aaonga, tum kha kar so jana....
*************
Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, Jeher bharwane aya hoga...
**************
संता-बंता एक होटल में खाना खा रहे थे।
संता को मजाक सूझा।
उसने बंता से कहाः यार, तुम मेरी मां बन जाओ
और अपने हाथ से मेरी प्लेट में परोसते जाओ।
बंता ने ऐसा ही किया।
खाना खाने के बाद बंसा से बोलाः अब ऐसा करो,
तुम मेरे बाप बन जाओ और बिल का पेमेंट कर दो।
**************
संता का अपनी बीवी से झगडा हो गया ।
बीवी ने झगडे को टालते हुऐ कहा :मेरे इरादे
बड़े नेक है , आप हजारो मैं एक हैं ।
संता : दिमाग के हम भी डॉन हैं ।
बस इतना बता दो की बाकि के नो सो नन्यांवे कोन है ।
***************
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha,
yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.....
**************
Santa goes 2 a Petrol Pump
sees a board Don”t use Mobile Here,
he Picks his Mobile Phone,
Calls everyone from his phone
& says DON”T CALL ME NOW....
************
I can kiss u without even touching u.
Gal: U can't
Santa: Lagi 10-10 ki
Gal: Ok
Santa kisses her lips
Gal: Touch kar liya, touch kar liya
Santa: Aah lai 10 Rs....
************
Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light
& a cop whistles. Santa lifts the tail of horse & says:
"Le Karle Number Note"
************
Santa: Oye, ladki dekh, kitni sohni hai.
Bata: Mujhe to uska naam bhi pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai.
Banta: Mein bank gaya tha, vahan yeh
ek counter pe baithi thi, name plate pe
likha tha: Chaalu Khata....
***********
Santa ne PCO pe jate hi PCO wale
ko 2 thappad laga diye. Socho kyon?
Because PCO ke bahar likha tha,
dial karne se pahle 2 lagaye...
**********
Santa was drawing money from ATM.
Banta, who was just behind him in
the line said: I’ve seen ur password. It’s ****.
Sant: U r wrong. It’s 1394.....
**********
Santa opened A College. Guess the Name of College?
The Name of the the College was: WOMEN`S COLLEGE FOR BOYS
The Name of the the College was: WOMEN`S COLLEGE FOR BOYS
**********
Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever: What will come first, Chicken or egg?O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.
**********
Pappu: (Luking down) No...
Santa: Don't look down. Look at me.
**********
Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market.
**********
Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.
**********
Santa's girfriend: Meri maa aapko bahut pasand karti hai.
Santa, after a deep thought: Kuchh bhi ho jaye, shaadi to main tujhse hi karunga!
**********
Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.
**********
Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata.
**********
Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the, ab use pehchan nahin pa raha
**********
Teacher askd Santa: What is d meaning of TAMSO MAA JYOTIR GAMAYA?
Santa: Tu so ja maa, main Jyoti de ghar ho k aya.
**********
Banta to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Banta: So what, take an umbrella and go.
**********
Dr: Yeh urine sample nahi, Apple juice hai!
Santa's wife: Ek phone kar loon? !
Dr: Why? !
Wife: Santaji ko batana hai k urine bottle unke tiffin me chali gayi.
Pappu: Dad, main itna jawan kab banunga k main mummy ko bina bataye ghar se bahar ja sakoon.
Santa: Beta, itna jawan to aaj tak main bhi nahi hua...
**********
Banta mujra dekhne gaya, sari raat mujra dekha.
Bai ne kaha: Sahab humne aap ko khush kiya, ab aap hume khush karo.
Banta utha or khud nachne laga.. Gud Night.
**********
Jeeto: Ek baat batani hai, par plz muje marna nahi.
Santa: Bolo.
Jeeto: Mein Pregnant hu!
Santa: It's a gud News.
Jeeto: Shadi k pahle pitaji ko bataya to bahut maar padi thi.
**********
Teacher: Aasmaan mein udne wali chiz Ande deti hai, Aur zameen pe rahne wali Bachche deti hai. Kaun c chiz aisse hai jo Aasmaan me udti hai par Bache Zameen par deti hai?
Santa: Airhostess !
**********
Santa, Banta & Bobby were going on a motorcycle. Policeman gives hand to stop.
Santa shouted: Oye pagal, pehle hi 3 bethe hain tu kahan baithega?
**********
Santa's son: Mini Mum & Maxi Mum!
**********
Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger?
**********
Three friends after exam.
Lucky: Yaar mujhey kuch nahi aata tha main paper khali chor aya hon.
Banta: Main bhi!
Santa: Shit yaar, teacher samjhe gi hum ne cheating ki hay.
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.
**********
Three friends after exam.
Lucky: Yaar mujhey kuch nahi aata tha main paper khali chor aya hon.
Banta: Main bhi!
Santa: Shit yaar, teacher samjhe gi hum ne cheating ki hay.
Boss: I'm giving u driver's job. Starting salary Rs. 3000, is it OK ?Santa:
U R great sir! Starting salary is Ok but how much is DRIVING salary?
Santa to wife: Did u hav any boy friend before marriage?
Wife remain silent.
Santa: Main is khamoshi ko kya samjhu?
Wife: Bewakoof ginan tan de.
**********
Santa-Bus stand jane k kitne paise?
Rikshawala: 10 RsSanta:
2Rs mein chalega to theek hai
Rikshawala: 2Rs mein kaun le k jayega?
Santa: Peeche baith main lekar jata hoon.
Santa kissed his girl friend in the park. Girl: Plz ye sb shadi se pehle..
Santa: Don't worry darling, I'm already married.
**********
Santa: Main aur meri girlfriend shaadi kar rahe hain.
Banta: Wow, Kab?
Santa: Meri 7 Dec ko aur uski 13 Jan ko.
**********
Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi doctor se shadi kar Lena.
Jeeto: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
Santa: Doctor se badla Lene ka yehi 1 rasta hai!
**********
Nurse- Congrats: Apke jurwa bete hue hain.
Santa: Ye to hona hi tha.Nurse- Kyon?
Santa: Jab dekho KBC PART-2 dekhti rahti thi, Mil gaya na UMEED SE DUGNA
